Another step closer...

Things happen for a reason. Well, that's what they say. Does anyone know who 'they' are? Sometimes my regular life seems enough to handle. And stepping backward to try to find some way to gather the pieces of my so-called 'real life' is a crazy mess of another kind. Whoa! You think you understand what you're up against. Then you find another strange 'I had no idea' and you have to take another step back and take another side road that you somehow missed during your travels to 'the answers.'

To be fair, I know that 'the answer' is God. He has always been my answer. He has seen me through extraordinary tragedies and blessed me to make ends meet. I guess it's hardest of all to admit just how challenging things have been financially for me.

Don't get me wrong. I didn't think things would be handed to me on a silver or any type of platter. But how in the world did life get so off track? How was I supposed to rub a frying pan and a thistle to make sparks for a fire to help warm my spirits to make it yet another day?

I couldn't. I didn't. God did. He still does. I have so many examples that it is absolutely unreal. And even as I type this, I am looking at another 'I have no idea how I'm going to get through January' crisis in front of me.

I have gotten scared and I still do. Yes. This happens even with my faith in God. I get weak even knowing how He will make things change from insane to sane. If you want to know what happens, send me a message. I'll send you a private note to tell you just what happens.

So, here I am in another moment that has nothing I can see in front of me and nowhere I can go behind me. Who was Merriman Smith? I mean who was he behind closed doors in his own home? That's just one of the many mysteries I'm working on as I put another group of sentences together toward my book.

Please pray and let me hear from you.

It's time to get back to writing...

It's been some time since I have really even opened the file of my book. I just know that there is going to be a good bit of emotional pain to get through. I thought I could get it done the last time I spent a day writing. But it seems I got through a great deal and then stopped just as the 'fun would have started. Of all the amazing and strange and unbelievable things to somehow put to paper or in a file, it's just too much. I keep avoiding this. I have avoided this for so very long. I have dealt with this, or actually tried to in the methods that many suggest and recommend. But nothing has put it all to rest. I have heard that writing it all down, expressing it all and getting through it in words can be of great use. I just keep putting it off. I find myself doing almost anything else.

The boys are keeping me busy as well. How did they get to be boys or even young men rather than little babies? My 13 year-old actually asked if he could go see a love movie with me. It was one of those 'date movies.' And here he was interested in this? Good grief? I wasn't expecting that quite yet!!

The truth will set you free...at least that's what I am counting on.

 

 'A Christimas Book for Gillean,' by  Merriman Smith

When writing this book, well, all I can tell you is that my short stories come by way of memories cut by shards of glass. One minute life is happening as normal and the next a flood of memories or one single incident walks in front of me from the past as if it were literally happening all over again.

I do spend time writing about specific events that include visiting the White House, shaking hands with a U.S. President and growing up with no family for most of my life. I suppose in my instance, writing my story is not an easy task. And being asked time and time again why I would write such a book sharing a good deal of unimaginable events, extraordinary circumstances involving well-known political and military officials, my answer continues to remain the same.

One's voice should not be taken away from someone so young. Just one example; a child should not have to worry that the money left to her by her father can be taken away without someone representing the child's best interests reviews the situation. But it did. A man of legal age should not be 'tucking a young teen into bed' every night by sitting on the bed she is in for an hour or more 'touching her.' But a man did. But what is so very sad is that a child could be selected as a 'gift' to help a troubled family.

Who was looking after the child all this time? How could this happen? And why did no one stand in for the child to say, 'enough!' I don't want to hear of any boy or girl lose his or her voice again. Yes, it's a lofty goal. But without trying, some of the things I have mentioned here that are detailed in my chapters will again come to life in the lives of other young boys and girls if I don't speak out for those voices who so deserve to be heard. There is much to say and much to learn. I hope you will be able to walk through each chapter with me when the book is complete.